Meet your guide for the Journey

Through my work as a therapist, I’ve helped so many women through the pain of breakups and the loneliness in between.  Being in a romantic relationship is stressed so heavily in our culture, it can really start to mess with your self-esteem if love doesn’t come quickly enough. 

Here’s the truth: the answer isn’t working harder at finding love. The real progress comes when we attend to our own heart. Who am I? What do I need? What am I looking for? Why do I feel so desperate for someone to choose me? This sets my clients up for success when they eventually started looking for love again. 

And full disclosure: I’ve been there too! I was trying to date and find someone to fall in love with, but it just wasn’t happening. I started to panic and wonder what was wrong with me. (I mean, I had my suspicions: I surely wasn’t thin enough, pretty enough, or sexy enough!) So I took a break to reset and look at what was going on inside. I had to face myself and the deeper questions that I wanted answered: Was there something wrong with me?  Didn’t I deserve love too? Would someone choose me? Would I even recognize true love if I found it? 

Well. . . my story is much too long for this page, but the summary is. . . .  I gathered up the courage to look inside and confront my own worth & value, figured out what kind of love I wanted, and trusted that I could have an amazing life before, during, and after I found love! 

And. . .well. . .we just celebrated 16 years together—me and my love story. 

And I truly believe that you are worthy of love too. . .especially just as you are!

But if my love story were to end tomorrow. . . .the most revolutionary part of my growth is that I know I would be ok. . .I would not lose my value. . .My life would still be rich and full; I am no longer solely defined by my romances. They are just one facet to my multidimensional life.

I want that freedom for us all.

—Valerie

Wondering what this journey will look like?

Take a peek at what we have planned!

Week 1: How did we get here?

Our first week together will give participants the chance to reflect and get clarity on their journey so far. What led you to take a break from dating? What has been your unique story—the pitstops and pitfalls along the way in their journey to find love. The process of storytelling is powerful and transformative.

We will also look at how society, media, entertainment, popular culture, cultures of origin, and religion have shaped the way we view ourselves and the pressure we face as women to be ‘worthy’ of love. How does living in a patriarchal society affect women trying to find love? What societal mandates and norms do you want to accept or reject? Recognizing all the ‘shoulds’ and the pressures put on committed relationships can help bring clarity to what you really want and why you want it.

Week 2: Living that single life

Does the very thought of being single send you into a panic? Turn your stomach? Bring on feelings of shame and comparison? Let’s debunk some of these myths and discover the secret that pushers of romance don’t want women to know: there are some pretty fabulous upsides to luxuriating in the freedom of being untethered. Society gives the impression that we are not complete until we are partnered with someone-but is that true? What adventures in life have you been holding back because you weren’t partnered? What would this new life look like? Let’s explore and take the pressure off of going solo--because whether you know it or not, it’s pressuring your dating game for sure!

“People think they’re competing with other suitors when dating me, but really I’m comparing you to my own solitude. That’s the competition.”

-Kaya Nova

Week 3: Give love to get love

Self-love in a society that pushes perfection and narrow beauty norms is revolutionary. What parts of yourself have you rejected because you’ve gotten the idea that they are undesirable or don’t make you lovable? Is it even true? Do we have to be ‘perfect’ to deserve love? Can we push back on this one picture of beauty and desirability to embrace ourselves?

Discover and appreciate what makes you uniquely you and learn to value what you bring to the table-quirks and all! *This is another key ladies-meshing your life with someone else’s---without a strong grip on who you are, what you deserve and what you want---is a recipe for heartache and disaster. You can choose a better lover when you know better how you want to be loved!

Week 4: Trying on my new attitude

With this newfound appreciation for your glorious self-what looks different? How do you translate this self-love to self-confidence and the ability to ask for what you need from others. Don’t mistake confidence for arrogance or cockiness. Confidence is in another league. Confidence brings peace. Confidence provides stability and security. Confidence brings freedom.

We’re bringing back classic skills like assertiveness, direct communication and boundaries! We teach people how we should be treated. No more waiting for people to read your mind (Pro-tip: this is a strong indicator of relational health-so listen up!) 

Week 5: Sometimes love leaves a mark

Looking back at old relationships, what patterns keep showing up? What have your friends noticed and urged you not to do again? Learn to identify your enduring vulnerabilities & triggers from past relationships and how to deal with them moving forward. This session will help identify areas for further work and attention.

When we’ve been hurt in love, we need to take time to heal. 

Week 6: The right kind of Love

When the time feels right, you’re going to be open to love again. What do you want it to look like? How do you want to feel in this relationship? From a secure confident base of self-knowing, what kind of atmosphere are you creating? What kind of person or energy or vibe would compliment the life that you desire to lead?

You’ll be guided through an immersive experience to connect in a deeper way to the vision you have for love. We’ll also delve into strategies on how to say no or walk away from attention that doesn’t align with this new vision.